The time surrounding the new year is an introspective person’s dream. The reflection, documenting, and resolutions people make offer a collective sense of unity and hope. There’s a humanness to it all. Whether it was the best year or one we’d rather leave behind, everyone seems to acknowledge one simple accomplishment: we made it through another one.
People seek understanding. Understanding their circumstances. Understanding what shapes them as individuals. Understanding their innermost thoughts and aspirations. We crave it, to make sense of it all. We take in the world around us to see how we are affected by it and how we come out the other side. Some years may feel like we were the winner of a boxing match with our arm being held up as victor. Others feel like we’re on the mat, collecting ourselves before standing up again. And the rest can feel like a mundane mix of the two extremes.
Each year, I write a journal entry with lessons learned, pivotal moments, and goals I wish to accomplish in the new year while looking back on the previous year’s entry to reflect on how those aspirations either faltered or thrived.
Last year, around the new year, I labeled 2023 as “the year my younger self would be proud of.” I was living out my childhood dreams. I finished my first year teaching English at a middle school, ran my first half marathon, and moved abroad to travel to my heart’s desire. I ended the year feeling like a victor.
This year, I’m looking back and labeling it “a year my older self will cherish.” It was a year of free-falling into the complete unknown, desperately searching for the direction of my next steps. I felt like I had the rug of everything I thought I knew ripped out from under me. The career I had gone to school for was suddenly in question. My sense of independence was caving in as I desired to return home from a life abroad. The question, “So what do I do now?” lingered in the air daily. I felt truly lost.
The past year brought a lot of questions to the surface. I felt like I had accomplished all of the goals I set for myself, yet it wasn’t enough. I constantly felt like I was starting a blank slate with no real foundation. I’d decide what my new direction was, go at it full force, and then life would come to tell me otherwise. Rinse and repeat. My sense of self felt like it was dwindling with every closed door.
Life, at any moment, can and will throw a wrench in our predestined plans, forcing us to pivot and change course. It’ll throw some uppercuts with a few blows leaving us dizzy, unsure where to turn next. It’s a continued battle to take that impact, collect ourselves, and continue on. But we do it – either with shaking fists or a puffed chest – and we find the little joys along the way. That’s all any of us are doing, really: taking the good with the bad and choosing to see the good in all of it, all while trying to find what sets our souls on fire and what we want to do with this life we’re given.
I had never really imagined much past this time in my life – my mid-twenties. I’d always known I wanted to make an impact, but was lost for how to do that without my previous career path. To be honest, I’m still figuring it out. I think this will be a question I’ll ponder in every phase of life.
However, a part of me knows one day I’ll feel gratitude for this year of redirection. With hindsight 20/20, I’ll see how the confusion, hurt, and moments of loss laid the foundation for what is in store for me next. None of this could have been endured without an abundance of forgiveness, grace, and trust—both in myself and in others. While reflecting on this year as a so-called adult who has it all figured out, I’ll look back on this version of myself with admiration for persisting with blind faith.
My biggest takeaway from 2024 is this: I can always come back to myself as long as I keep leaning toward what tugs at my heartstrings. I will continue learning what these desires are for the rest of my days, for they will be new and ever-changing.
Maybe that’s why people love the new year. It gives us a chance to look at where we started, see how far we have come, and propel ourselves forward. Because as it turns out time keeps moving whether we feel like we have a grip on it or not—and thank goodness for that.
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